Monday, December 6, 2010

Vent of Sorts

Disappointed. Confused. Let down. Pissed. Blech.

I have been looking for work since I got laid off. So has dh. Our home is equal opportunity. Meaning whoever gets offered the best job will work and the other will stay home with the kids.

He has some call backs. Fingers crossed. I had 2 promising interviews, one I actually was told I got and then upon further research it was bullshit. Too good to be true.

Clearly the need and want for a job is simple. Umm we need to pay rent, bills, car insurance, extra strips, clothes, you know ummmm to live! But there was an excitement and hope that came when I thought I had gotten one of those amazing jobs. I would be able to cash pay for the Dexcom. Yup. Thats how amazing it was. I didnt think oh now we can celebrate xmas or get a new car or get the boys bikes or other things I wish we could do. I thought DEXCOM!!!

My want for it is pretty basic. I want to see trends. I want to stop/catch/see food spikes that hit us like a frying pan in the face. Id like to sleep longer than 2 hours straight a night. Better control. More understanding of what his numbers are doing. Im aware its not perfect but Ive heard more good than bad so lets leave it at that.

I even made calls to reps and endos office to find out about a trial. Thats when I was told Dexcom doesnt do the trial its the endo. They cant because its not approved for under 18. Our endo would have to own one and allow us a trial. And I was told ours doesnt. Still waiting for her to let me know but unless its a bg issue she doesnt always have time to call back right away.

I had figured I could work it all out but now that that job was a fluke or whatever whats the point. I cant afford Dexcom when we barely can make rent right now.

As I type this dh is on his way to a second interview and while it wont be enough to cash pay for Dex I PRAY he gets it and things can get back to "normal".

Funny actually when I went on one of my interviews it was at a mansion. No seriously like Mtv Cribs. I thought I would leave feeling shitty, and sad that I cant give my kids a house the size of a mall and a yard that we could run laps around. But I came home loving my house more than ever. They had no pictures anywhere on the walls or mantles, no sign of a family living there, no life in that house. Shit no love. I have that. And God I appreciate it so much.

But I cant pretend I dont wish I could go xmas shopping with the other moms, or take the boys out to a movie just because, or not have to say ok we payed rent so theres no gas for the car. We have never been rich by any means but we have been ok. Like we can stay on top of rent and bills and once in a blue treat ourselves.
It used to be good. I used to make gooood money on the strip but since the recession and job cuts its all gone to hell.

Since Justices diagnosis its been harder too. With scheduling and only 1 of us being able to work. I dont know the point of this post anymore.

I guess Im just stressed. A lil sad. Alot nervous and a chunk of dissappointed.

I contemplated hitting send. Cause this post isnt 100% Diabetes related. But I need to get it out. I need people to understand so they can stop annoying me with senseless, bullshit. None of you but you know.

I think more than anything Im disaapointed and feeling scared.

k Im done for now.

13 comments:

Shelly said...

I wish I could do something for you guys. All 4 of you stay in my heart. Lots of hugs and kisses this holiday season Lexi, to all four of you.

Meal Mommy said...

This hit home honey! Being newly single, I am stressed 24/7. Luckily, I have an awesome job and you will too! Hang in there. We always land on our feet one way or another! And just so you know...we had Dex for almost a year and it really didn't do too much other than drive Lily nutso. It's a good tool to see trends but it's not always accurate. Not to be a bubble burster but thought you should know to alleviate the rush! Love you hon! XXOO

Lorraine of "This is Caleb..." said...

Thinking of you Lexi - a lot actually. Considering what's going on for you guys right now, you've kept a very upbeat attitude and I really hope hitting send helped, if even just a little.

Lo

Renata said...

Try to have faith. I don't know if this is good or not, but you have been through worse and made it. Have faith that it will happen again. (I know, easier said than done.) I've said before I think our lives have mirrored each others quite a bit...there were times when all we had was the belief that it was going to get better. It HAD to get better. You are good and strong, caring and sharing, hard working and full of sense. It will work out. We had to leave the country for work...and spent our last dime (again & we are in our late 40's mind you) to do so. Last year SUUUUUCCCCKED. I cried almost every day because I was counting peices of fruit, or bread, or whatever until the next pay day. This year has been tight, but better. Still not where we want to be, but it's getting better. Have faith sweets.

Sarah said...

Hey girl. I know you guys are having it rough over there, but you HAVE to keep up your faith.

Last week, Erik got some pretty bad news about his job. We freaked out. Erik finally just had a moment to himself and prayed. He admitted to the Lord that he can't do everything on his own and he needs His help. It was at that moment, his cell phone rang. It was one of the big men in the company telling him everything was going to be ok and nothing was going to change for us.

I know prayer isn't always immediate like that, but it does work. You have to pray and have faith that God will see you through. We're praying for you guys, Lexi!!!

XXOO!!!!

Denise said...

Times are hard for sure. You are strong and you are a fighter. Things will pick up and one of you will get a great job and this time will be another memory.

I wish you lived closer, I would let you borrow our Dex. The one I curse at constantly because I thought it would allow me better control and more sleep....but really has us testing more and sleeping less.

Anyhow, vent as needed and stay strong. <3

Pam said...

Honey ... if you have Medicaid, and your Doctor will sign the form .... I believe Dexcom will bill Medicaid for the machine.

Here's a link to the application

http://c0850852.cdn.cloudfiles.rackspacecloud.com/Getting_Started_Forms.pdf

OR CALL THEM .... in San Diego and see what other PAP's may be available! It's SO WORTH a SHOT!

Pam
I hope a cut/paste the link correct ...I'm an old lady!

Penny said...

Thinking of you and sending you positive thoughts - about finding work, great blood sugar numbers and a way to get a Dexcom. Hang in there hon.

Lora said...

Oh no! I wish that would have worked out for you. I know something will come soon. Keep up your faith beautiful :)

Meri said...

Praying for a job soon ALexis! Very, very soon. Love ya!

Heidi / D-Tales said...

Don't give up hope! It's just a matter of time, before things are looking up again. And hopefully that time will come quickly! (((HUGS)))

Reyna said...

First off - YOU are amazing...your spunk, your spirit, your grit.

Secondly, that Dexcom thing sounds "fishy"...the rep came to VT from Mass and loaned us the receiver and we paid for one month's worth of supplies ($300) to trial it. And...Medicaid should cover it...one of our local buddies is 100% covered.

Finally, keep the faith. Which...I think you are doing a remarkable job of btw. I appreciate your candor...your openess about a trying time. It is OK that this post isn't 100% diabetes...it helps us get to know you better AND I LIKE THAT ALOT!

MUAH!!!!!

Alexis of Justices Misbehaving Pancreas said...

first thank you all seriously. I love all of u! Sadly i called medicaid when i was working in doc office with the code for cgm and they cover none of them. Dex. Mm. Nothing. And then this rep thing is very odd...reyna how long ago was this? I was told they have tightned the rules recently....grrrr. Again ty all..soo soo much.

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