The last 24 hours have been insane. Theres so much to tell but I honestly dont have the energy for it. I will sum it up by saying Justice's basals had to go from .575-.600 to .225! He would not stay up. Would come down without corrections. But then wake with a 300 plus with ketones and start it all over again. Endo is baffled. Im lost. We know he's not honeymooning as he gets his labs done every year and many times Endo has said that he doesnt produce any insulin. So who knows? Ill post a follow up at some point when I either know something or when things go back to "normal" you know J using horse amounts of insulin.
Its taken a toll on my baby. His body feels worn out. His mind is exhausted and hes pissed. Hubby and I were up all night and slept maybe 3 hours total. Its been a rough one.
Anyway. Justice was running out of his room and went flying onto the couch and hit his head. Yea hes fine. "Mom I swear I saw it! It was there. I had to catch it and destroy it!". Im lost at this point. "huh?" "DIABETES MOM! Its like a black cloud. Its evil. I was trying to kill it".
I know the feeling. We all do dont we? The dark cloud that hangs over us. Even on our good days. Even when we are enjoying a moment. Its there. In school. While sleeping. Snack time. Playtime. When-fuckin-ever.
I have been following in my friend Wendys footsteps and trying to celebrate joy everyday. In anything that makes me smile or laugh. I will make sure no matter how bad D is being we all smile and laugh each day.
But I cant lie. I was ready to hunt that mother-fucker down and beat it into submission. Wouldnt you? If your kid said he saw D chillin on your couch?!
I actually stared at the couch. How easy it could be if thats all it took to get rid of it! Have you seen my husband? We could take that sucker down!
But we cant. Its not reality. Its not that easy. Sigh.
So although the black cloud may not be going away anytime soon it will not block out our sunshine.
I WILL NOT LET IT.