Tuesday, January 4, 2011

The Black Cloud.

The last 24 hours have been insane. Theres so much to tell but I honestly dont have the energy for it. I will sum it up by saying Justice's basals had to go from .575-.600 to .225! He would not stay up. Would come down without corrections. But then wake with a 300 plus with ketones and start it all over again. Endo is baffled. Im lost. We know he's not honeymooning as he gets his labs done every year and many times Endo has said that he doesnt produce any insulin. So who knows? Ill post a follow up at some point when I either know something or when things go back to "normal" you know J using horse amounts of insulin.

Its taken a toll on my baby. His body feels worn out. His mind is exhausted and hes pissed. Hubby and I were up all night and slept maybe 3 hours total. Its been a rough one.

Anyway. Justice was running out of his room and went flying onto the couch and hit his head. Yea hes fine. "Mom I swear I saw it! It was there. I had to catch it and destroy it!". Im lost at this point. "huh?" "DIABETES MOM! Its like a black cloud. Its evil. I was trying to kill it".

I know the feeling. We all do dont we? The dark cloud that hangs over us. Even on our good days. Even when we are enjoying a moment. Its there. In school. While sleeping. Snack time. Playtime. When-fuckin-ever.

I have been following in my friend Wendys footsteps and trying to celebrate joy everyday. In anything that makes me smile or laugh. I will make sure no matter how bad D is being we all smile and laugh each day.

But I cant lie. I was ready to hunt that mother-fucker down and beat it into submission. Wouldnt you? If your kid said he saw D chillin on your couch?!

I actually stared at the couch. How easy it could be if thats all it took to get rid of it! Have you seen my husband? We could take that sucker down!

But we cant. Its not reality. Its not that easy. Sigh.

So although the black cloud may not be going away anytime soon it will not block out our sunshine.



htimm=) said...

Hang in there girl! As you know very well there are days, sometimes weeks where the black cloud is a little darker than other days. The sun is bound out come out soon. Thinking about and praying for you guys, I hope you get things evened out soon.

Renata said...

Thinking of you guys. You will work through it and I totally get what you mean. I sucks to be beholden to something you can't even see, touch or feel. I keep saying I am going to come out with a Diabetes Punching Bag. I think I need to do it!

Penny said...

You got that right - no blockin her sunshine, you hear that D? So sorry you are going through the unexplained. We have all been there. You guys will figure it out. Sending you love and hugs from PA, where I am freezing my ass off. (There, hope that made you smile)

Reyna said...

Just woke-up, read your status on FB and headed over. Oh Lexi, I am sorry you guys are having a rough go. Are his numbers any better today? Could he be getting sick? We have been riding HIGH...I think Joe is growing...the nerve of him and his seven year old body! Ha! Anyway...our highest 7 day average ever of 197. I am bumming. I am making changes. I am waiting for the Lows to ensue to bite us in the ass.

Love to you...and if "d" was sitting in our living room I would give him a whole cartridge full of insulin to take him down. I will not bloody my hands with that bastard! xoxo

Heather said...

Hang in there. We had to do something similar a couple weeks ago, but not as drastic and it was just at night. I feel for you. I am trying to choose JOY everyday too, some days are easier then others though! Thinking of you. ((Hugs))

Kimberly, Meal Mommy said...

Hang in there honey! These days are the worst!! And it always seems to happen following a comment like "wow, the numbers have been so good lately." At least that's how it goes in my house. We have taken a bat to a pod before...I wish it was the real thing though.

Lora said...

I hate that damn black cloud. Sorry you guys are going though this. Justins basals/correction factors and Ratios all decreased a few months ago. I was baffled myself.

Keep looking at the blessings... they are there. I know this because you are one of mine. I will be sending good number vibes your was. <3

Laura said...

I bet you thought I was asleep - didn't you? Phone died - now catching up on blogs.

I got your back - let's hunt down D and kick some ASS!

Celebrate With Us!