Thursday, March 10, 2011

The Battle

It was Wendsday. Same time every week. Same routine. JAWS. Jogging And Walking. Where J and the rest of the kids who signed up run or walk laps in an effort to accumlate as many miles as they can.

Hes at 10 right now. Miles that is.

We have a ton of issues with managing bgs during this craziness. He goes low we carb up he goes insanely high. He starts out fine doesnt go low ends up high.

Thanks to Reyna (shes not a doctor so no it aint medical advice) we prevented the post JAWS high!
As long as Js in range after JAWs we bolus for the huge amount of carbs consumed. I watched the trend on Dex before doing so and he was creeping up. But we stopped it.

But...what occured before that scarred me. Tore my heart in two. Made me hate the world and hand we were dealt.

J exited school at a gorgeous 105. Dex read 106 flatline. I decided to carb him up with a cereal fruit bar from Trader Joes 24gc, a juice to quench his thirst and boost him fast.

15 minutes pass. We are waiting for JAWS to commence.

114 flatline. Finger poke 104. Sigh. Ok.

Give him a 7gc organic chocolate and said a prayer.

I reminded him we check bg and Dex every 3 laps. He was off.

He always runs. He only walks towards the end of the lap to slow down for check point.

3rd lap. Dex 94 flatline. Finger poke 73. Fuck.

''Ok bud we gotta get that bg up before you go, which means a 15 minute wait and theres only 20 min or so left. Should we leave?''.

Chewing tabs, hangs his head in sorrow, "whatever. Lets go".

As we are walking out and I start rattling off next weeks game plan for him to reduce basal at 2pm and carb up then instead of right before, he says:

"Whatever. Im done. I QUIT JAWS. DIABETES YOU WON THIS BATTLE".

I of course fight back the tears, and tell him no way has D won. We WILL make it work. I promise.

I felt like such a shitty pancreas. A shitty liver too huh? The look and hurt on his face is one I will never forget.

I couldnt make it better. I couldnt take it away.

As I looked back at the kids, and JAWS and at the meter I just kept saying "No way is this battle over, not on my watch".

J is ready for next week. As am I.





7 comments:

Valerie said...

:( I have felt this many times while exercising. I hate cutting my workouts short! I always reduce my basal at least an hour before exercise, then take it off completely until I'm done. I even stared reducing it bit by bit a couple hours before workouts. I think you're on the right track...you are not doing a shitty job! Soon enough you guys will get it right! Good luck next week :)

Penny said...

Damn right hon! You will learn how to do it better and better by doing it. I read what J said and it crushed my heart, it's so not what we want for our kids. But I believe in you and J, with Reyna on your side and with her advice about carbs and loading you just can't go wrong. So, next week, back on the horse that threw you and onward. He will do JAWS and so will you. Diabetes be damned. You are awesome Lexi, you are.

Reyna said...

I am crying.

What "J" said broke my heart too. I don't want him or any child with type 1 to ever think it isn't worth it, worth the "D"-Work, to participate in anything that their hearts desire.

It does seem hopeless at times...even to me...I can see how easy it would be for Justice to become discouraged. Give him a hug from me. I love him Lex.

Lora said...

I have no words. It breaks my heart to know he felt that D won.


You are an awesome mom and pancreas Lex... don't ever let yourself feel otherwise. It's just a hard battle when your opponent doesn't fight fair.

htimm=) said...

yes, what they all said...I have tears. diabetes be damned! D is NOT allowed to do that to our kids! I think that is the hardest thing about D. The times when they are held back or down becuase of D. You and J are awesome, get back in that game! <3 you

Lorraine of "This is Caleb..." said...

Ah pooey. That just stinks. I'm glad he's ready to go back next week. Go get 'em!

Heidi / D-Tales said...

Ouch! That had to hurt! But I love how you responded!!! If at first you don't succeed, try, try and try again!!!

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