Friday, April 29, 2011

Florida Taught Me Some Schtuff.

I am back!

For those  who don't know. I went  to Florida for 3 days to see my Grandma and Mom. It started as a trip to assist my granny with her D stuff, but she decided she was doing just fine. I can't be every ones Pancreas, now can I?

Anyhooo.  I need to sit and get all my thoughts out at some point but it seems so overwhelming right now.

So for now (or this may be it, who knows?), I will share what I learned, and was reminded of while away.

1) All us D moms and dads, need a break. Period. I still knew everything that was going on at home D and not D related buuuuut it felt good to shower  in quiet, shop with no breaks, take a nap on  a plane, eat and not count carbs, pamper myself, walk around for hours, get  dressed up everyday  etc.

3 Generations. 

After hours of shopping! Thanks Grandma!


Me and my mommy.

Just ME. 

2)  #1 made me sad. Cause even though Biggah text me with EVERY bg check (yes, at night too), site change, or temp basal that was done, I was away from D. I  still had  somewhat of  a break. Justice will never be able to do that. Even if I did every check, every bolus, every count,  he still has to deal with D physically and mentally no matter what. This broke my heart. And yes, made me feel guilty. Why him and not me?

3) I cant sleep anymore. My mom and grandma expected me to sleep all  night, while I was there. Ha! When Biggah checked J, I got a text. Midnight, 3am, 6am  and one night more due to a  crazy high. I couldn't sleep without knowing my baby was ok.

4) My husband is AMAZING.  I knew this, but this just reiterated it. He is a kick ass pancreas, loving father, and honestly made me feel so at ease while I was gone.  (As  at ease as I could be, leaving my babies for the 1st time.)

5) I didn't realize till the day of, why I was so  sick getting on the plane.  Then I remembered. Last time I flew, was to NY in 2008, for J's birthday. He peed his pants on the flight  2x. 24 hours later he was diagnosed. All those feelings came up again. It was like reliving his diagnosis. I cant say much more right now, too emotional still.  

6) That no matter how much you advocate, educate, communicate, and  any other "ate", close family still may not get  it. They possibly never will.

7) Without the DOC  I would be lost. Need I say more? I  talked about so many of you while there. You never would have known, we never actually met.

8) D is scary. D is unfair. D sneaks up on you. D NEEDS a cure.  I read Hallie's facebook update while getting ready Tuesday morning, and I cried. I couldn't even eat.  I called Biggah till he picked up. Needing to know J's bg. I then sat and prayed for them.  I  despise this disease. I will not stop fighting for all PWDs. Period.  (Love to Hallie and  Sweets!!)

Found this bracelet in a boardwalk gift shop. Had Dmama written all over it.

9) It took me sharing number 8 with my mom and granny for them to understand  why  we do  what we do. I said "This D mom, is my friend. She's an amazing pancreas. She does everything she can do, and must do. But Diabetes doesnt play by the rules". THIS is why we dont sleep, why we are so diligent,  why we advocate, walk, educate, blog, and so much more. 

10) I missed bg checks. I  missed Dex. I  missed bolusing. Am I freak? I don't know. Was it just that I missed J? Was it  the routine I missed? I don't know. I cant explain it fully yet. Obviously if  J was cured, I  wouldn't miss it for nothing!! But knowing D is still there...well...oy. I   cant explain this right. Sorry. 

I missed my kids and hubby so much it hurt.

There's no place like home. 

And for me...home is where the D is.


Wendy said...

*LOVE* that generational photo :) AWESOME!!!!

I'm so happy you got away for a few days. It's good to reconnect with your mama sometimes. Sometimes a girl needs her mom, ya know?

Welcome Home!

Heidi / D-Tales said...

Once a D mama, always a D mama...even on vacation away from your D child!

Fab photos!

Enjoy being home with your kids and hubby again!

Reyna said...

Welcome home Lex. I, too, love the 3 generations photo. It looked like fun times Lex and I am so glad that you got a little break.

I think I get the missing "D"...b/c "D" is where your family is...where "J" is...which is where you belong.

Roselady said...

Nice post. You sound like such a great mama, in more than just a D way!

Penny said...

So glad you are back Lexi. I get what you are saying, good to go away, but great to come back. To home. You are a rocking mama pancreas!

Amy said...

Wonderful words of truth, dear Lexi! I adore the bracelet cuff . . . awschum find ;)

And, I see where Justice (& Syn)gets his mighty fine looks from . . . you and your Granny and your Mom are beautiful!!!!

Lorraine of "This is Caleb..." said...

So glad you were able to have a break!

Celebrate With Us!