Saturday, April 16, 2011

Lows, More Lows, & An Early B-Day Wish..

I HATE lows. I hate what they  do to Justice. But more than that  I  hate  that  sometimes  they  are  inevitable. If you disagree fine, but  I am not in the mood. OK?

Justice  is wild. He  jumps, he  runs, he climbs, he dances, he skips, hops, slams, bams, and any other  verb you can think of. But of  course its not scheduled. Hes 8. He  does these things when he sees fit.

When I know activity is coming IE; going out to ride  his bike,  play tag, run track, gym, recess, I can plan accordingly. Either  with  some  snackage (Biggahs word), and  or  a decreased temp basal.  And let me tell you...we have been ROCKIN it!!  Gym,  recess, track, lowest I have seen are 70s!

Buuuuuuut...when he randomly springs off the couch toss' his WII  remote or book, and starts chasing his  baby brother because "hes a turd! and wont leave me alone!!", that I cannot plan for.

This is actually a low of  47 on Synsyre's  birthday.  (Bike riding).

I have basal tested extensively. If he sits, chills, and does "normal"  activity his  bg stays put, but for  the  strenuous, crazy fuckin activity  well....we  adjust on  an individual basis.

See if I  run him on  a decreased basal all  day...he  would be high,without  a doubt. But if he decides to dance crazy for a few  minutes on a regular basal, well its crash and burn.

My kid is  very sensitive to activity. VERY!

Today was shit.  For the first time in 4 days we had a low under 65, and not just one but 3.

They wiped him  out. I let him eat  like a savage cause I saw that's what he needed. It took  a good hour to get him up to 87.

All this from well....being an 8 year old boy.

While he lay on his bed coming up from his low, while I'm noticing all the lil brown spots his sites have left behind, I hear...


I'm not gonna lie. Things have been  pretty good. I don't mean bgs are perfect, or D isn't being its normal fucker self, but I feel like I have finally accepted it fully, learned to deal  with a number and just move on. Ive  calmed actually. I've taken my frustration and put it towards  advocating, and helping newly diagnosed  families.

I'm more.."I'm a  D mom, my son is a D superhero, and it is what it is. D, don't fuck with me".

But today?  Days  like  this? I want to cry.  I want  to beat D to a bloody pulp.I see  my  baby's weak  body, his bruised fingers, his black and blue from a weird site, and I hurt. I  hear him tell me how bad his body feels,  how he just wants to be a kid...

All I want is to take this pain  away from him.  To  make it all better. Id take his place in a heartbeat if  I could.

Today sucked. I pray tomorrows better.

And I pray that birthday wish comes true.....

D-Boy I love you.

(Last week during that low pictured above Justice asked me to let him record. This is  D boy..low. )


Reyna said...

I LOVED seeing you talk on the phone and then to Justice. You are how I pictured lex...a badass!

And...I hate days like you guys had. Been there...and sadly...Joe, Justice and all these kids, and PWDs will have those nasty low days time and time again...until...perhaps...

Trish said...

Aww. When he said, "I'm dieing here" I almost cried.

Cindy said...

Lows are inevitable. They happen, we fix them, we keep going. Highs too. It's just part of the d-life. But that doesn't mean that they don't suck royally! Big hugs and I hope you've got a much better day ahead!

Lora said...

I'm sorry you guys had a rough day. Here's to lots of good ones to make up for it.

Heidi / D-Tales said...

I hope today is better for you!!! Jack is like Justice; he's a wild one too. I hate how D can suck the wild out of the boy!

Snackage -- I like the lingo!!

I hope his birthday wish comes true! Jack makes the same wish. It kills me every year.

I love your accent. It sounds like home to me! :)

Jen said...

You know Lexi- Justice is on his way to becoming a GREAT D advocate just like his mama. That video was amazing..not amazing that he was low but amazing that he wanted to document it. People need to see what our kids go through...

Nikki of Our Diabetic Warrior said...

Hi Lexi,
This moved me to write a post on my blog today. Your post is something that everyone needs to read that has a child with diabetes. Thank you!

Please read my post "Feeling the LOWS"

Scott Strange said...

Wow, Lexi... sorry to see that Justice had such a rough day. Hope today is better! said...

That sucks, totally sucks! How utterly frustrating that even 'normal' kid stuff can drop him like that...fucking unfair, no other way to say it!
Hoping for better days!!

Anonymous said...

That blog post and video went right to the heart - knowing how much he wanted to just be up and playing and not thinking of all this d sh** and how it gets in the way. Love to you.


Penny said...

Heartbreaking and amazing, all at once. Lows are something else, but you are an awesome Mama my sweet Lexi. And Justice, you are supremely wonderful.

Christy of My 2 Sweet Babies said...

We've been having a rough time with lows lately. It's so hard to because Andy still can't verbalize to me how he feels. Even after almost 6 years, I still have to take cues from his behavior, which is usually crying and lying down on the floor. I hope Justice had a better day today. My heart goes out to you.

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