Monday, August 1, 2011

Battling Pricks.

I feel awful right now. I feel like maybe I'm hurting my son and of course the reason behind what I'm doing is the complete opposite intention.

I was reading Reyna's blog post, in where she mentioned endo saying maybe to cut down on testing. Our endo used to tell me the same shit. Then she said its working. Numbers are great and if HE is ok with it and you're ok with it, then ok.

But I went through our meter.

Holy fuck.

This past week...15 to 18x a day. MOST of them are while he sleeps. We have been having a crazy time with nightime basals.

When J hurt his arm last month the healing process took a toll, and bgs were out the roof! So we tweaked.

Then came lows.

So we tweaked.

Not as bad but still high. J's range during the day is 95-120 and nightime 120-150.

So I tweaked. Leaving basals but changing timing around, seriously crazy shit. Cause the Ping has the smallest basal incremement I couldn't go any lower or higher which is what was driving me nuts! Up to .725 caused lows, down to .7 caused highs! Finally I messed with the timing of things and got it!

No lows. No highs.

He cruises 95 to 105 all night.

That's a lil low for me at night. Even though we have Dex. 20% allowable margin of error is too close to a bad low if he's running in the 90s.

I prefer him between 120 and 140.

So apparently I've been checking him like mad. How I didn't realize it was that much I don't know.

Now some say well run him higher.

And some nights I do, not the 200s but upper 100s. But nighttime is a BIG chunk of an A1C, of their "control".

When hubby works I crash with the kids. Love being snuggled between them and having Dex on my chest. They love it too! Soundest sleep I get. I can run him tighter since I'm in his room, in his bed.

When hubs is off from work, I run him a bit higher, no higher than 180, this way I can sleep more and spend more time in bed with my man. I still check him atleast 3 times a night while he sleeps, that will never change. Atleast not that I can see.

I do this to achieve optimum control. Without lows. But I allow the 2 day "break" so I don't go batshit.

Justice hasn't said "ma you're checking me too much". And I know a lot of the day checks that are closer than 2 hrs together are because he didn't wash his hands, or he was outside playing and I felt low.

So now I feel well like shit.

Am I addicted to testing? Noooo. I just don't always trust Dex and sometimes I need to be double or triple sure...usually in the middle of the night.

I fear the worst. Even after almost 3 years I still do.

So I'm going to try hard to not check more than every 2 to 3 hours during the day (unless low or some insane high), and try the same for nightime.

I've decided to leave his basals at night where they are. 99 is perfect! But since its a little low for comfort and I can't achieve a happy medium..(its either 99 or 225) I'm going to give him a small 7gc bedtime snack. Probably yogurt. And see how that carries him. 100 with 7gc should put right where I want. Right? Ha. I know...

I prefer that to overnight corrections. And I know that those highs aren't good for his body, 8 hrs of 200s? I can't see that.

I also told J if I ask him to check his bg (unless I suspect something or he checks on his own, cause of feeling low or Dex) we will check meter together and see when last check was. 2 to 3 hrs apart from now on. We also set the alarm on Ping to help us keep track.

Will this work? I hope so.

Cause right now I'm exhausted, drained and feel like a complete shit right now.

He hasn't complained, or even mentioned it. And maybe its because of the insanity of the last few weeks with the healing and growth spurt. But either way I don't want him to feel burnt out, or to resent me.

Even though I know each check I did was because I care, love him and want to keep him safe.

Hope he and his fingers forgive me.


Jaimie said...


Sarah said...

((Hugs)) I am feeling the same way after reading Reyna's post. I always LOVE reading Reyna's blog, and enjoyed it today, but it sure left me thinking. I'm right there with you on checking at least 12-18 times a day. My daughter was dx at 9 mos and is only 2 now, with complete unawareness, and quite frankly, I don't know how I could check less. We have our DAD (svc dog) who is 100% right with predicting lows, so I feel perfectly safe with good control and I too can't imagine letting her run in the 200's overnight. I hear all the time that I should just let her run higher so I can relax, sleep, blah blah blah. I wouldn't be able to relax knowing her bg was that high for a prolonged period of time...but it's def a trade off. But, I'm always wondering 'at what cost?' Then I wonder if stressing over how many times I check is worse than just checking whenever I feel I need to and moving on. Is obsessing over possibly doing it too much worse than doing it too much?? There are no easy answers in any of this.

Just know you're not alone.

shannon said...

oh man, as hard as it is, TRY not to beat yourself up too much. we've all been there.

Tracy1918 said...

Girlfriend, I hear you! We don't have a CGM yet, and I test like crazy overnight. Not that I intend to, but darn! We've been having issues and if you need to correct, then you're up checking. It's exhausting and yes...I feel guilty sometimes, too.

Some days, I start off determined to check at meals only. And then, you know, he goes low and it's check, check, check.

Something always happens. Activity. Lows. Something.

I still think you ROCK. XO

Valerie said...

It's hard not to test a lot when you're tweaking basals and other such stuff. Sometimes, when I feel myself worrying and not sure if I trust my meter, I test more frequently...and then sometimes I have to tell myself, there's no way your blood sugar is going to drop, so just relax and don't test! It's hard to listen to that logical voice sometimes. Other times I'm glad I trusted my instinct to test. I think your plan sounds like a good one!

Michele said...

God, I so get this feeling. I couldn't even bring myself to check his meter to find out how f'ing sick I am with overtesting disease. But I can't help it. He can't tell me when he's feeling crappy, he's not able to identify the diabetes from any of his other special needs. In essence? He never really knows why he feels like shit, he just does :(. Testing is the only link I feel I have to a sense of reality and power over this crap. But I get wanting to not get up in the middle of the night. Or to be able to stay in bed with my man if he's sleeping and not think..."but is he sleeping cus he's so low he can't wake?" Arrrgggh. FU Diabetes. Just sayin. Thanks so much for writing this all down. Reading it was cathartic. <3 Much love and bg control to you.

Alissa said...

Hey....your timing on this is perfecto! Now I don't feel like such a jerk. I test my Naomi all the time and have been wondering if I'm just going bananas because I never sleep. I'm stalking our med supply company right now because we're running LOW on strips.

Rachael said...

You are a super D Mama! Hang in there! You are loved! <3 Hugs to you!

Roselady said...

Thanks for sharing your story about testing. I'm always curious how it works in other families. We're finally down to checking once a night. Luckily, it's been working perfect. But, honeymoon about killed me, checking three/four/five times per night. If you want lots of control, it's lots of testing. So, I guess it's just a question of what is everyone's overall quality of life with the current regime. That's what my cde always says, and I think she has a good point. I check a lot, but I also try not to make myself too crazy. No night corrections, if I can help it. Funny how we're all so different with this stuff. Again, appreciated the insight.

sky0138 said...

You are such an incredible Mom Alexis and please don't feel bad for checking often. You are doing a fantastic job. HUGS!

Lora said...

We average around 13 a day. Justin does some of that on his own... then at night, of course.

Don't feel bad. You do what you have to.

Reyna said...

Ah SHIT! I feel horrible that I made you feel bad Lex. I was feeling bad too...and like a jerk...when the Endo talked to me about this. me, he in no way wanted me to feel bad. NOr was he judging...just trying to get us to cut back a bit (if we could).

I have received emails from readers saying the same...some endos only prescribe strips for 6 checks a day (WTF?~ oy).

I am going to continue what we have been doing...Joe is too active to NOT check at this point in his life. I have started double thinking some of our checks...though.

Love and hugs to you. I would never want you to feel bad over something I wrote my dear friend.

Meagan said...

I can't imagine how hard it must be to worry about someone else's blood sugar, you D-mama's really are amazing!!! Don't feel bad about whatever your method is for is clearly done with love and he (and his fingers) totally know it. ((Hugs))

Karen G said...

I'm not a d-mom, so my opinion totally doesn't count . . . . but I'm gonna give it anyway. I say, don't second guess yourself. You are fine with what you are doing, and Justice is fine with what you are doing. Who cares what anyone else thinks!! YOU ROCK and just keep on with what works for you!!

Stephanie said...

Okay, first off...the PING HAS AN ALARM? Why did I not know this????

We check a lot too...I don't trust our Dex AT ALL, so we've been going without it lately, so I test more. I'm about to ask our endo for more test strips and I think he might think I'm crazy to want 400 a month!

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