I'm not sure if any of you watched my You Can Do This video, but I touched upon the subject, a little bit in there.
I have always been a lil...well, over the top. I have always been the hovering mother, anxious that a cough was more than a cold, or a headache was more than stress.
But I could turn it on and off.
I could relax.
Enjoy the moment, and not over analyze things.
After J got diagnosed, all of my deepest fears and anxieties became magnified by 1000.
Justice saw his pediatrician just 6 weeks before going into DKA and being diagnosed as a Sudden Onset Type 1.
No one said a thing.
No one saw a sign of anything wrong.
Sudden onset is exactly what it sounds like. It happens in the blink of an eye.
That something else will happen in the blink of an eye, and I won't be able to catch it.
I obsess over hand washing.
I google any symptom or thing that occurs to me or the kids.
I check my own sugar weekly.
I have gone to the ER more than 5x since dx because I was certain I was ill.
I'm constantly in fear.
Checking all of us for lumps, moles, bruises, ketones, yellow eyes, weird stools, anything that may indicate illness.
We got a puppy, and I can't even enjoy him. I'm scared to let the kids play with him till he sees the vet, in fear they will catch worms or some illness.
I was never like this.
I fear something else happening to my kids.
I fear something happening to me, and not being here to take care of them, especially J.
I fear Biggahs type 2 will become insulin dependent.
Diabetes came into our lives with no warning, no time to prepare, it almost took my son.
I know that I couldn't prevent it, or stop it from happening.
But I feel responsible none the less.
So now I'm constantly preparing myself.
So nothing else can swoop in.
But I'm so caught up in THAT, I'm missing everything else.