I'm sure you've noticed.......
So has she....
I assume they can see it too......
It started on October 21, 2008.
The devasting news that MY child, my just turned 6 a few days before, my bubbly, energetic, funny, active, healthy, son was in DKA.
It wasn't just the flu, but something more dangerous and life altering than I could ever imagine.
Our vacation of a week turned into 2 weeks in the hospital learning how to keep our child alive.
I went through the motions, absorbed what I needed to do to make sure he was safe, and blindly went on with the rest of our lives.
I didn't know about the Diabetes Online Community (DOC) , I didn't know about CGMs, pumps, blood ketone meters, Dead In Bed, and that an A1C could even be under 8.
I knew Type 1 was serious but I didn't know HOW serious.
I didn't know of the ignorance, and myths that surrounded this disease.
I didn't realize that children were dying because they couldn't access insulin, or due to a low in their sleep.
I just didn't know.
And then I learned.
I learned that there was more to this disease.
Not just small things but life changing, monumental facts that would one day save MY son.
I found a community that needed me as much as I needed them.
There were walks to be walked, supplies to be donated, books to be read, hands to be held, tears to be wiped and even laughs to be laughed.
I found HOME.
A place where everyone understood what we were going through, a place where we were welcomed without question and loved without judgement.
But I somehow lost something too.
Not because of the DOC, but Diabetes.
I feel at times so defined by it, defined by the numbers, the equipment, the insurance worries, the neverendingness of it all.
How dare I say that when its not my disease?!
I feel Justice has days like that too, but for the most part he is just being a kid, which is how it should be.
But as his mother and well pancreas how do you seperate Diabetes from everyday life?
Can it be done?
Should it be the topic of every conversation with my husband?
Should it be what I dream about?
Should it dictate every decision and how I interact with people?
NO. It shouldn't.
But it does.
No matter how hard you try, you know there is a disease living inside YOUR child, that can take their eyes, legs, heart, feet, and yes their life.
So while I try not to let Diabetes define or dictate how I live, I find it impossible when I know my son LIVING depends on it.