Saturday, December 17, 2011

It Changes Things.....

I'm sure you've noticed.......

I've noticed.....

He's noticed......

So has she....

I assume they can see it too......

It started on October 21, 2008. 

The devasting news that MY child, my just turned 6 a few days before, my bubbly, energetic, funny, active, healthy, son was in DKA.

It wasn't just the flu, but something more dangerous and life altering than I could ever imagine.

Our vacation of a week turned into 2 weeks in the hospital learning how to keep our child alive.

I went through the motions, absorbed what I needed to do to make sure he was safe, and blindly went on with the rest of our lives.

I didn't know about the Diabetes Online Community (DOC) , I didn't know about CGMs, pumps, blood ketone meters, Dead In Bed, and that an A1C could even be under 8.

I knew Type 1 was serious but I didn't know HOW serious.

I didn't know of the ignorance, and myths that surrounded this disease.

I didn't realize that children were dying because they couldn't access insulin, or due to a low in their sleep.

I just didn't know.

And then I learned.

I learned that there was more to this disease.

Not just small things but life changing, monumental facts that would one day save MY son.

I found a community that needed me as much as I needed them.

There were walks to be walked, supplies to be donated, books to be read, hands to be held, tears to be wiped and even laughs to be laughed.

I found HOME.

A place where everyone understood what we were going through, a place where we were welcomed without question and loved without judgement.

But I somehow lost something too.

Not because of the DOC, but Diabetes.

I feel at times so defined by it, defined by the numbers, the equipment, the insurance worries, the neverendingness of it all.

How dare I say that when its not my disease?!

I feel Justice has days like that too, but for the most part he is just being a kid, which is how it should be.

But as his mother and well pancreas how do you seperate Diabetes from everyday life?

Can it be done?

Should it be the topic of every conversation with my husband?

Should it be what I dream about?

Should it dictate every decision and how I interact with people?

NO. It shouldn't.

But it does.

No matter how hard you try, you know there is a disease living inside YOUR child, that can take their eyes, legs, heart, feet, and yes their life.

So while I try not to let Diabetes define or dictate how I live, I find it impossible when I know my son LIVING depends on it.


15 comments:

The Diabetic Camper said...

Nice post

Scully said...

Very pretty.

Cynthia Zuber said...

What an amazing writer you are! This really touched me. I found your article because Michelle Litchman NP, just posted a link to it on FB. Yes, Diabetes can consume our thoughts and conversations, can't it? Blessings to you for being a wonderful Mom to your child with diabetes. I am going to check out your blog more! Thanks!

Kim said...

This post - and you - are amazing. Much love to you and your family.

Michelle said...

I know exactly how you feel! Great post.

Anonymous said...

D has to be on your mind all the time, as every three hours it must be dealt with; you can never relax; you can never forget. Managing this condition does not necessary have to be time intensive on a day-to-day basis but you are always watching the clock. If home I can set alarms and timers then forget about it for a three-hour period, then deal with it a minute or two or ten. I don't mind doing it; but I do mind that one day this will be her responsibility. Hoping something comes along to relieve this burden for her in the next five years. But don't really think anything will be available by then. This topic saddens me for that reason. Too heavy a burden for a young adult. Middle aged people are much better suited to the limitations D care demands.

Michael Hoskins said...

Lexi, you're awesome. Great writing in your post here. D is a part of life, and I think it does define us in so many ways. But hopefully, we find the ability to balance it with life successfully and make sure we're living for those moments of wonderful, not the D-Life aspects that exist no matter what. The good can outweigh the bad, even if sometimes D comes in and intrudes. With a D-Mom like you, your guy is going to prevail and find the strength needed to find that successful balance. So, to end as I began: You rule!

Denise aka 'Mom of Bean' said...

true...oh, so true

Anonymous said...

amature writing... of course diabetes is a part of our lives... its our disease... but I dont think about it every second of every minute... you cant... otherwise it consumes you and you aint got nothin but diabetes... have fun wit dat

Alexis Nicole said...

Hey Anon. How about grow a pair and use your actual name?

Thanks for reading, grateful to have people who enjoy my...amature you called it, writing.

Diane said...

Anon....aint got nothin to spend on education for say....grammar and punctuation. Rocks...glass house....you must have missed that day at school.

Heather said...

Ehhh...Pay 'em no mind girl...If they don't have the balls to say it to your face, they aren't worth your time. Keep up the good work, love!! We are all SO proud and appreciative of YOU and all YOU DO for ALL of US!!

Lori Willey said...

Hmmmm Anon. Of course you "ain't got nothing but diabetes. Guess what Anon- "It don't go away dumby", to use your poor English.
Lexi, keep up the excellent work, we all love and adore you. As always!

Cara said...

Well, Anon, I'd say you probably don't have anything but diabetes or you wouldn't be reading a diabetes blog & taking the time to comment on it. Also, learn about capital letters, apostrophes, and proper use of "..." before you start taking about amature writing. Oh, and in case missed that day in school "ain't" isn't a word. But if you chose to use it, at least spell it correctly.

Thomas R. Moore said...

Anon, sound like yu got da diabetes bad...

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