Maybe writing it out will help?
Maybe taking a break from online will help?
Maybe deleting Google from my phone will help?
Discussing it with friends?
A pint of ice cream?
Yea I have tried a lot of shit. Nothing really helps. I am in a bad place. Mentally and physically.
Diabetes is being a piece of motherfucking shit. Sorry folks but it had to be said.
Low. Low. Low. We are talking about changing basals, ISFs, and carb ratios at least 5x. CDE said she is stuck too, I did everything she would have suggested. This happens about once a year. Unexplained lows. I think its another form of a growth spurt. Normally we get highs with growth but who knows.
I did a minus 40% basal last night and of course he woke up at 300. My kids body needs a break. Five 50’s in one day? And never coming over 100 or staying there for long? I cannot imagine. Today was the first day we didn't have a low so I am rejoicing!
It has caused me lack of sleep. I feel like a shit for even complaining about sleep when he is going through all he is.
The problem with no sleep or lack of for me is not being physically tired (although that sucks!!) but what it does to me mentally.
Exhaustion is a key component in my anxiety & hypochondria.
When I am tired I notice every little body ache or twitch and start to freak the FFFFFF out.
That is where I am right now.
I have been to the ER this week already and am now trying to get the cash to go to urgent care.
My mind is running wild and I cannot shut it off.
Someone said something a few weeks back about people with hypochondria (not their opinion but societies), that “they want attention. They know they are ok …”.
That is the furthest thing from the truth let me tell you know.
As I sit and type fighting back tears.
We do NOT want attention, pity or anything similar.
We truly live in fear day to day of the what if’s.
For me I know the source of it. Yes, my hormone imbalance exacerbates it but I know why it is the way it is. Sadly, that doesn’t mean its that easy to be rid of it.
I worry about everything, and I worry about NOT worrying.
If I don’t worry, what if that is the time something is really wrong?
How do we differentiate?
So my mind never shuts off.
I am exhausted. I am drained. I am trying so hard to come out of it.
I am not writing this for pity or attention, but just in case you are wondering where I am. Why I am so quiet, or what anxiety really is and not what society says it is….
Now you know.