I always say I hate diabetes, how it's the worst thing in the world, how it takes away my joy some days and sleep.
But I have to be honest, and lynch me if you like but one thing I always will do is keep it real on my blog.
Anxiety and hypochondria is worse.
For me it is.
I see J have a low or a high, and he treats/corrects and moves on. He doesn't dwell, or worry about what it will do to him, or if it will happen again. I have even learned to treat, correct, and move on. Shit, I still worry, I am a mom, but I can turn it off.
He is so strong, I wish I was more like him.
I can't move on. I can't stop thinking or dwelling. I can't not worry, not panic, not think is this serious, am I dying, am I really sick?
I can't sleep, I don't want to eat, I can't keep off of Google when it's like this.
It starts with a symptom that apparently many others have, then I google and find it can be something possibly serious, them said symptom doesn't stop , it gets worse.
I've been stuck here for 3 days, funny thing was I had a photo shoot yesterday and for the whole hour and half, I felt great, no pains, no anxiety, no symptoms, nothing.
My mind was distracted I guess enough for all the pains and symptoms to just disappear.
But as soon as things are back to normal routine, it starts up again.
I can't enjoy everyday pleasures, or just relax with my boys when I am like this.
I feel exhausted, mentally, physically and emotionally.
I fear tomorrow so much, I can't even enjoy today.
If it wasn't for my husband, and some good friends I would honestly lose it.
I think it's that time again, where I take a break from Internet world and try and find my balance. I've started back on B vitamins and other minerals I'm deficient in which trigger my attacks.
I'm losing myself again, getting lost, swallowed up, and falling down a spiral that I've seen too many times.
I need to dig myself out, some how.