Saturday, March 22, 2014

Trial Run - It's Hard.

J leaves to diabetes camp on 4/14, he has received a scholarship through our amazing local JDRF for all his work he has done as a Youth Ambassador.

I'm scared. Nights are gonna be hard for me. J, while insulin resistant at times, is very sensitive to activity, keeping me on my toes anytime there's a sport or horseplay.

Well tonight is another first for us. J is going to his friends house, for his first SLEEPOVER. I will tell y'all his friend has T1 since age 2, uses the same pump and cgm as J, and his mom, is attentive and on point just as I am.

But it's still my baby leaving me overnight without a parent for the 1st time.

He leaves at 12:30pm, he has been awake since 7am. Of course last night he was 55 at 3am, cause diabetes thinks it's funny to taunt a mother and her worries.

I remembered his endo saying at camp they run them higher and if I wanted to set a "camp basal profile" to do it.

So guess what I did at 3am? Yup. It's about 5 units less total for the whole day. Camp is going to be non stop fun and games and while I normally cringe at 200s, I rather him be safe, and worry free about impending lows.

So I figured what better trial run for this basal then today/tonight with a trained dmom, who could easily tell me "dude he's sky high I'm going back to normal basal", or " damn girl, you rocked that ish".

So he's now 246 post breakfast, but he forgot to prebolus. So I think the basal may actually be pretty spot on. (EDIT: realized ice skating party is gonna have pizza, so J agrees he will use his normal basal with temp basals and extra carbs if needed. Let's face it less insulin and more pizza, the kid will end up 500, normally. I'm way overthinking this I'm sure.)

Letting go is HARD. My stomach is in knots, my eyes are burning and I think I'm nauseous, but the smile on his face and excitement in his voice compensates that.

I know he has to learn how to be away from me, not just because of diabetes but because of life.

I've always been a helicopter mom, never leaving my kids for more than a few hours unless with dad, it's just how I'm built.

This is huge: for me, J, S, all of us.

So while J embarks on a day filled with laughter, 11 year old boy jokes, a JDRF Youth Ambassador skating party, giggling in bunk beds, and to quote him "24 hours of normal with another like me", S and I will be spending a whole day and night alone. Thrifting, In and Out, Fro Yo, movie in bed. No bg checks, no pre boluses, no diabetes (aside from the texts J and friends mom PROMISED me).

(Dad will be sleeping, he's on 6 hours in 4 days now!!)


I'm proud of J and how far he has come, and I'm proud of me.

I think he is ready....

But damn it ain't easy letting go...


2 comments:

Dharma-Punk said...

Yup. Crying in line at Market Basket. After last night's blood sugar shenanigans I was up again at 4am with yet another low alert. How are we ever supposed to let go??

Sara said...

Looking forward to the update!

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