Saturday, April 5, 2014

The Hole

It's like you're falling into hole and the more you try to get out the deeper you fall.

I guess it's  like quicksand you're  stuck but you're so desperately trying to reach the outside world.  It doesn't work, you just get pulled in, faster and faster.

Logically you know that nothing's wrong but the  thoughts consume you and so does the worry, the more you try and work it out in your head the worse it gets.

It's lonely, and isolating. Peope don't understand you, they think you're paranoid, dramatic or just sensitive. Everyday is a battle just to get through.

You're young at least your body is. Your mind feels old, almost decayed.  It's a slow process of literally losing yourself more and more each day until you're unrecognizable.

Sometimes just smiling, just being, just going through the motions of the day takes more work than people can ever understand. It's exhausting trying to be normal when you just don't feel that way.

You feel guilty for not being the person that you once were, for not being able to just live in the moment, and have fun. The constant worry of ; what next or what if ofr when. 

It ruins the now.

It's not just mental it becomes physical. Your head hurts , your heart pounds,  your palms sweat,  your stomach aches your nauseous. It literally takes over every part of you both physically emotionally and mentally.

For me it stems from my thyroid disease,  and my sons diagnosis five years ago. As hard as I try I can't always get out of that hole.

The hole has a name....

It's called anxiety. 

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